The New "You Know If You're Asian When..."
From the 1st to 1.5 Generation Perspective
By Gene Yee, Ph.D.
Associate Editorial Director, New York

While we are all involved in helping to combat stereotypes of Asian people in the media and in our society, we also need to be able to laugh at ourselves.
Email us your jokes, send them to Jokes@AsianConnections.com

1. You were/are a good student with very high GPA's
2. You majored in something practical like engineering, medicine or finance
3. You have more than one-college degrees, especially more than one Master's
4. If you play a musical instrument, it must be piano
5. You have a vinyl table cloth on your kitchen table
6. Your stove is covered with aluminum foil
7. Your kitchen has a sticky film of grease over it
8. You beat eggs with chopsticks
9. You always leave outdoor shoes at the door
10. You use the dishwasher as a dish rack
11. You keep a Thermos of hot water available at all times
12. You boil water before drinking
13. You eat all meals in the kitchen to keep your dining room clean
14. You don't use measuring cups when preparing foods
15. You save grocery bags and use them to hold garbage
16. You have a rice cooker
17. You're a wok user
18. You fight over who pays the dinner bill
19. You wash rice 2-3 times before cooking it
20. You make sounds when you have a bowl of soup.
21. Your don't dry clean cloths, even if they need to be dry cleaned
22. You iron your own shirts
23. You like congee (Zhou1) with thousand year old eggs Song1Hua1)
24. You always cook yourself, even if you hate it
25. You use credit cards, and pay monthly bills in full
26. You keep most of your money in a savings account
27. You buy Christmas cards after Christmas, when they are 50% off
28. When you hand wash dishes, you only use cold water
29. You hate to waste food:
    a) Even if you're totally full, if someone says they're going to throw away the leftovers on the table, you'll finish them
    b) You have Tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice or one leftover chicken wing
30. You don't own any real Tupperware--only a cupboard full of used but carefully rinsed margarine tubs, takeout containers, and jam jars
31. You also use the jam jars as drinking glasses
32. When toilet paper is on sale, you buy 100 rolls and store them
33. You have a collection of miniature shampoo/conditioner bottles and little soap bars that you take every time you stay in a hotel
34. The condiments in your fridge are either Price Club sized or come in plastic packets, which you "save" every time you get take out or go to McDonald's.
35. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (and travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes)
36. You spit bones and other food scraps on the table
37. Your dad thinks he can fix everything himself
38. When you go to a dance party, there is a wall of guys surrounding the dance floor trying to look cool.
39. Your house/apt. is always cold in winter, and hot in summer
40. Your mom drives her Mercedes to Price Club, or Shoppers Food Warehouse regardless how far it is, even if Safeway is next door.
41. You always look phone numbers up in the phone book, since calling Directory Assistance costs 50 cents
42. You only make long distance calls after 11 pm or during weekends
43. You prefer your shrimp with the heads and legs still attached.
44. You never call your parents just to say hi.
45. You think ONLY Japanese can make good CARS!
46. You use a colored face cloth every morning
47. You starve yourself before going to all-you-can-eat places.
48. You've joined a CD club at least once
49. You never discuss your love life with your parents
    
    AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST
50. You take this message and forward it to all your Asian friends.

(Yes, Ph.D. in life sciences; yes, I studied kung-fu; and no, my lips do match my dialog.)

AsianConnections thanks Gene Yee, Ph.D., for his jokes.

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Other Jokes:
The New "You Know If You're Asian When..." From the 1st to 1.5 Generation Perspective
You Know If You're Asian When...
Top Ten Reasons Why There Won't Be An Asian President Anytime Soon
How To Be the Perfect Asian American Parent?